Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
