I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
