Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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