I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
