i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
