Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
