Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
