sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
