oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
