I hate all girls vehemently.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
