My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
no you cant smoke seaweed
I love having hate sex.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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