we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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