do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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