Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I smell like Dick and happiness
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
