nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
