so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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