He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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