Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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