I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
