The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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