I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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