oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
