I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
well I can't set my house on fire every night
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
is it fun? or sober?
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