So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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