So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
