he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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