I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
