After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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