I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
