Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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