okay pat passed out under dana's car
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
