and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
