I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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