Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This house was built for laser tag.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I didn't notice because vodka
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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