I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
