your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize