I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
