Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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