When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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