ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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