i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
