i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
