Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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