They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
