dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
