We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
