Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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