I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
