I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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