I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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