You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
