dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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