im about as happy as oj after his trial
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
