Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
