They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
