hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
