I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
