tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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