So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
