it's too hot outside to masturbate.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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