miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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