I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
