I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize