i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
