she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We got so high we made milksteak
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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