Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
