Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
