Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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