singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
