you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
